Israel (Hebrew) translation: “wrestles with God.”
“We must not make a false faith by hiding from our thoughts the causes of doubt, for faith is the highest achievement of the human intellect, the only gift man can make to God, and therefore it must be offered in sincerity.” – William Butler Yeats
“Doubt is but another element of faith.” – Saint Augustine
I had a friend and mentor say this week over a Zoom call that “doubt is faith in bud.” This comparison of blooming flowers and growing faith, two natural processes, really put into perspective for me what faith is all about. It is not only natural for us to doubt God’s existence, or even the reality of Jesus as the Messiah, but it seems it is necessary for growing faith!
Hear me out for a moment. I have personally wrestled with my faith plenty in my pilgrimage, and I have heard the preacher’s attempts to snuff out all doubt for its potential danger to destroy faith. I have heard the remarks about simple trust, no questions asked, guarding my mind from the enemy’s attacks which come in the form of critiquing God’s truth. I agree that the enemy wants to “steal, kill, and destroy” all truth, but I disagree that doubt is unnatural to the Christian, and that the questions it invites should be suppressed at all costs. To doubt and question is human, and it brings a curiosity and wonder if allowed to breathe. If bouts of doubt are met with gentle and understanding conversations, then even deeper and more mature faith is the impending result! Not to mention, I don’t believe God is as scared of our doubts/questions as we are.
Think about children, still trying to form a framework for this complex world, and what their natural instinct is in their constant discovery. Kids ask “why,” and they ask it A LOT, sometimes to the point of frustration for adults! Now, with that in mind, consider this strong statement from Jesus: “and [Jesus] said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’ (Matt. 18:3).” I believe that what Jesus is pointing us toward is the authenticity of SEARCHING. We seek what we most desire. Read the Psalms and you’ll see very human examples of doubt, fear, and anger exhibited in worship. They’re practically personal journal entries. And then Proverbs endlessly tells us to search:
“If you seek [wisdom] like silver, and search for it as for hidden treasures— then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God” (Prov. 2:4-5).
A child fervently questions the world around them, too innocent and naive to fear what others think or have any idea that they “ought to know” already. Part of fully embracing Jesus is submitting humbly to Him, admitting there is mystery in this faith and in the Father, and seeking the source of our faith for understanding and comfort. That’s a part of love, to realize you don’t know everything about something/someone, and to humbly desire to learn more! You might say that asking questions differs from doubting, because doubt presumes something in the question, and I would agree. But this doesn’t make doubt bad as opposed to a question, so long as the intention is to understand.
I’ve realized that God is mysterious, and all that we know of Him is through Jesus Christ. Embracing and responding to that mystery in worship is part of what makes us believers. I come to the altar desiring to know, but I come with the understanding that there is always mystery in faith, and that I am not called to know everything but rather to be in relationship with “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6), who is my Way to the Father. So I respond, and I think you should to, because a large part of love is interest, curiosity, and pursuit. Let’s be like curious children, searching fervently and wondering innocently, living with the peace that in relationship with Christ, we are made right with God and have access to Him! He’s not afraid of our natural human doubt, or any other response for that matter, and we shouldn’t be either!